My father taught me about hard work and how to chase your dreams with passion. He instilled in me a sense of honesty and integrity, traits I hold in the highest regard. He showed me how to build stuff and how to fix a leaking pipe. He did not however teach me how to be a man, his generation led through example and if the example was flawed so were the lessons.
We come from the Oprah generation where we as men and fathers have been put on the stand, questioned and cross examined and blamed for our short comings as well as those of others. We have been forced to hide our fears, insecurities and sadness with anger and aggression. We tend to live in the past, have fears of the future and constant anxiety about providing for our loved ones cause us to avoid responsibility. Our world has changed since and will continue to do so leaving behind little to measure a man.
A metre as a unit of measure is defined as the fundamental unit of length in the metric system, equal to 100 centimetres or approximately 39.37 inches. Similarly there is no accepted unit of measure for morality, honesty and integrity and until we have one we will continue to justify our own actions and continue to condemn the action of others (Shantaram – Gregory David Roberts)
Being a man to me is to have the strength to confront and find the truth in yourself. To have the ability to love and share. To accept who you are (shortcomings and all) and project that truth openly and honestly. A man is a leader, but who should not have to walk in front on his own. Sometimes you need to fight in the trenches and sometimes you need to follow the leadership of a person better equipped for the task at hand.
Ego? “The ego is an identity of our own construction, which is false”. For me this could also read as, “the ego is an identity of our own destruction, which is true.” We define ourselves as men, not as what we are, but as what we believe we are told by others we should be, not knowing what it means to me to be a man. Ego keeps you in base camp and your campaign will eventually fail until it’s too late to stand up and lead the charge by example. In our world today, there is no more time for talk. One cannot live in fear of taking the hand of your partner even it means you need to retreat to base camp to plan the strategic next move.
I have chosen to go on a journey with my wife and partner Pamela and along the way accept and deal with confrontations. How I handle them will define me as a man. However scary I will put my faith and trust in God and the Universe. Letting go and enjoying the journey, takes us straight to our goal, opening up a whole lifetime of new opportunities.
A man is an individual who needs to lead by example and look at his world with purpose, strength and love.